What are your relationship patterns and how to change them?

In simple words, a relationship pattern is the way you interact with others in your relationships. It’s basically the role you play in your connections, and your better half, your best friend or even a coworker may find it difficult or easy to communicate with you based on the relationship pattern you represent.

Having a relationship pattern, the behaviors and relationship goals are often the same, even though you are with different people. It can bring some hardships to your love life and relationships with others.

And maybe recognizing your pattern can help you understand why some bad things happen in your love life with your partner or even in your friendship! Continue reading to figure out your pattern in this article.

The main relationship patterns


In this pattern, one of the partners wants to be the coolest. They dictate how to behave in a relationship, heavily enjoying the fact that they can be the main decision-makers. If you’re an Alpha in a romantic relationship, you usually initiate negotiations and take some serious steps like saying “I Love You” first or moving in together. Sounds a lot like you?

Sometimes Alphas want to control everything, even the behavior, and feelings of their partners, which is the part when it becomes overpowering and unhealthy.

The caregiver

Ever felt like you’re an educator or a caregiver to your partner? Wanting to change your special person in order to make them better? The Caregiver often thinks their partner would do much better if only they listened to them and paid attention to advice.  Remember that this can cause only negative feelings for the partner, as no one wants to be changed or judged for their behavior. Maybe, it’s time to slow down a little?


It is good if partners love, respect, and support each other. But if they start doing everything together, share the same circle of friends, have no alone time and start confusing their own needs with their partner’s, it is a negative behavior pattern. Once you notice something like this in your relationship, it’s time to take action or else soon enough you’ll feel like you’re losing yourself in the name of love.

The push-pull

One person feels that the relationship is perfect, and the other feels bad in a relationship, he/she needs more personal space. This is the push-pull relationship pattern in a nutshell and once you feel like this in your relationship, you start drifting away. The reason behind a push-pull dynamic is an extreme fear of intimacy on one hand and a fear of abandonment on the other. Such couples need to reflect on their problems together, as each partner may have some attachment issues.

The parent

Do you ever feel as though you are parenting your partner? Stop and think: this might be the sign you’re The Parent in your relationship. It could be something as simple as telling your partner to keep their home tidy or something a little bit more serious, like telling them which friends to keep. This is a negative tendency that needs to be worked on.

How to Change your Relationship Pattern

It’s important to detect your pattern to be able to eliminate the difficulties it may cause in your relationship later on. Here are several things you can do to change your patterns and make your relationship healthier:

Notice What Triggers Your Negative Relationship Pattern

Find the trigger that starts your negative pattern to be able to catch it early on and avoid conflict.

Explore Your Past

Since many of your dysfunctional relationship patterns probably come from childhood, exploring the past seems like a good start. Think about your relationship with your family and how it may have influenced your personality and behavior now. Maybe, talking to your relatives about that during a family gathering  could be a good idea, since they remember your childhood more vividly.

Learn From Failed Relationships

You can reflect on what went wrong and try to learn from the mistakes. But always remember both you and your ex-partner could be the one to blame for the end of your relationship. Don’t put all the blame on yourself or solely on your partner.

Have you found your relationship pattern based on those simple descriptions?

It’s important to remember that none of these patterns are completely good or bad, but by knowing the strengths and downfalls of each you can make your relationship work better.