How to identify your attachment style in relationships

It’s no secret that different people have different attachment styles. It easily explains why some people are very unattached in their relationships, while others are clingy and need constant validation. Have you noticed any specific way you behave when you’re in a relationship? If the answer is yes, that means you have your attachment style as well.

The thing we have to do is to help you identify it easily for you to establish the base for a healthier relationship.

Repeating patterns in love life

Even if you’ve never really analyzed your behavior in relationships, you may have noticed some behavioral patterns that repeat time after time with your new connections.

Do you get too jealous at times? Or, maybe you become a clingy person once you’re in love? Maybe, it’s hard for you to become intimate with each new partner and you start wondering if it’s your fault or there are other reasons for this.

The answer could be lying in your attachment style. Let’s dig deeper to see if you can figure out your personal attachment style with this article.

There are four adult attachment styles:

  • Secure
  • Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied)
  • Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive)
  • Fearful-Avoidant (also referred to as Disorganized )

Each attachment style is characterized by different behaviors and ways of relating to others.

Secure attachment is characterized by a feeling of safety and security in relationships. People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable depending on others and are able to trust their partners. Do you feel comfortable when you can trust and depend on your partner completely? Then it may mean you have a secure attachment style. Such relationships are based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness.

Anxious (preoccupied) attachment is characterized by insecurity and neediness in relationships. If you often feel like you  need to be constantly reassured by your partner – this might be a signal that you have anxious attachment. The thought of living without your partner (or being alone in general) causes high levels of anxiety. People with this type of attachment often are very sensitive to rejection and find it difficult to trust others. Such people can be very possessive.

Avoidant (dismissive) attachment is characterized by a lack of interest in relationships. Such people would often perceive themselves as ‘lone wolves’: strong, independent, and self-sufficient. If you often feel uncomfortable with intimacy and tend to avoid close relationships, you might represent this attachment style. You do not want to depend on others or have others depend on you, and you don’t seek support and approval in starting off a relationship. Does this sound like you or are you more like a person with secure or anxious attachment?

Fearful-avoidant (also called disorganized) attachment is characterized by fear and avoidance of relationships. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style often feel that they are not good enough for relationships and often fear being rejected or abandoned. If you do want closeness with someone special, but at the same time, experience troubles trusting and depending on others, this might be the sign you’re fearful-avoidant.

Have you found your attachment style among these mentioned above?

If you’re not entirely sure of what attachment style is yours, you can take one of the many quizzes available online. For example, this one.

Once you know your attachment style, you are more aware of your inner state and habits so you can work on it and have a healthier relationship in the future.